Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
