To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize