This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
