Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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