Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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