Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
