if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
