the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
