Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
