I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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