so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
