I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
