I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
