You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
