I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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