There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
