I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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