ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
