i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
