This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
