The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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