I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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