come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
