You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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