did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
