you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
