There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
