Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
