At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
