just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
