You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize