i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
