Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
