fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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