im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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