he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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