i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
