best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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