Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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