She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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