didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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