he puts the penis in happiness.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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