Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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