chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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