If that was your dad, he is hot
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
