Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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