After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
