My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize