My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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