How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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