Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
