i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
