Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
