She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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