Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude i'm inner monologue high
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
