Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
