tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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