Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
