If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
