My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
