A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize