Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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