in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
