I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
