if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
