i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
