Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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