Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
