"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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