I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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