Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
