They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
