Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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