I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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