the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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