No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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