He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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