batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
