Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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