Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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