I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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