Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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