I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
