yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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