you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
