all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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