so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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