Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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