Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
