Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
