The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
