if you like me you must not know who I am
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
