i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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