I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
