Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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