I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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