oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
