My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
