Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.

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(807): View more from Ontario

I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

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(217): View more from Illinois

Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.

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(206): View more from Washington

Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Juice tastes so weird without alcohol

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(752): View more from California

My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?

(1-752): View more from California

"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work

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