she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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