We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize