Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
