My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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