My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
