i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
