May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
