I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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