sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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