watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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