the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
