plz talk dirty to me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
