id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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