I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
