So drunk its hurt
my mouth tastes like poor choices
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
