I can't watch pbs sober anymore
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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