There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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