I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
